Ability to Seek Help
Updated: Jan 20, 2022
The title may make you wonder why this is even an ability to begin with. Trust me, it is not easy. Especially if you are the type who is self-reliant and independent. Matters get further complicated if you are also the type who thinks people around should be able to recognize the need to step in and lend a hand on their own. But will they do so, especially if they understand you are a self-reliant and independent person? Nope. They will think twice unless of course the relationship is a very strong one, and they don't mind being screamed at for asking! Might sound a bit exaggerated, but I'm certain some of you have experienced it, done it, or have at least observed it around you! At work or at home!
It is very important to not get confused about knowing the difference between taking total ownership for tasks versus using the powers of delegation to help distribute the workload to take some pressure off. This could be at home when it comes to chores, or in our professional work environment.
A lot matters on how well we understand others and help them understand us. It is OK to show that we have a vulnerable side to us. We are humans after all. We all have thresholds, deadlines and physical health to think about. Ignoring all this leads to damage to our mental health and sustained behavior of this nature will result in us losing our mental balance all together. Stress builds up and in the long run triggers a whole lot of other issues such as imbalance in blood pressure, back aches and perhaps a few other disorders.
I am not a doctor or an expert on these matters. But I'm assuming that you are seeing the logic in what I am saying. If yes, I am glad and grateful for your understanding! So what can we as individuals do, to not get into a messy life style? We have after all one life. I'm sure all of us would love to have a good one!
We must introspect. First understand who we are and how our behaviour is being perceived by others around us. Yes, perception is a big thing here. We need to ensure that we are approachable. We need to keep a few doors and windows open. Likewise, we too need to make an effort to understand others around us. Each one of us is different. Yes, we are talking about empathy.
Sometimes, we get caught in the perfectionist syndrome. Its not about us being perfect, more about us having a particular way of doing things. Makes it very difficult for us to delegate! I myself have been guilty of this. (Have been is perhaps not exactly right, I'm guessing I still am, but learning slowly!) Makes it next to impossible to delegate. Could be simple silly stuff like the way someone handles the printer at work, so we cannot delegate the printing to someone, or the way someone helps out at home!
Last but not the least, some of us delegate even when we are the ones who should be doing the job ourselves. Simple things like asking someone for help even before having made an attempt to do it ourselves. Giving an excuse that we are not good at it or don't know how to do it. Pretty soon, people around us see through this, so we might as well change for the better!
Seeking help is not a bad thing. You hear it a lot in the case of mental health. There, it is the worry of people thinking that we have lost it. We think it is too much of an embarrassment to let others know that we need help. In most other cases, it is ego and or insecurity. A feeling that we will be seen as being inefficient or incapable.
The trick I think is to know when the water is going to rise above our head. In fact, being able to look ahead at the tasks in front of us, at the time and resources available, and doing an estimate upfront and calling out for assistance way ahead of time. It is also about investing time in building strong and healthy relationships with people around us so that it becomes easy for them to reach out to us without inhibition. It is also about us doing the same for others. It is a two-way street.
Simple points I presume, but I hope it has provoked some thoughts. If you are already a very balanced person and are pretty good at seeking and offering help, perhaps you know someone who might benefit from these thoughts ..... if yes, please do share!